Friday, January 25

Questions for Carrie.

I've been watching a lot of TBS lately, because holy mother of God there are a lot of shitty shows on TV in the midst of this writers' strike. TBS airs only two shows and airs them over and over and over again: "Family Guy" and "Sex and the City."

Fine by me.

I like "Sex and the City." I don't have HBO, so I haven't really seen any of the full, filthy, premium cable episodes. But on TBS, it's a pleasant diversion. I do, however, have several questions for Carrie Bradshaw.

1) When Carrie goes out on a good date, the guy always walks her back to her apartment. Quoth the real-life New York dater: Come again? One of the most awkward things about dating in New York is, in my experience, that dates inevitably end at some sort of public transportation depot. In 6 years of post-college dating, I've only been walked back to my apartment (not counting the they're-already-invited-up scenarios) twice. Am I just dating the lazy ones?

2) When Carrie goes out on a bad date, the date usually ends with a Snappy Remark and a Dramatic Exit. My bad dates usually end with a Patronizing Hug. Does my life need zippier writing?

3) Carrie spends a lot of money on designer clothing and wears said clothing Out on the Town. I recently spent too large a percentage of my weekly income on a designer sweater (an ivory-colored one, I know, big mistake), wore it to a party, was doused with red wine, and now have a designer label dustrag with which to clean my apartment. What gives?

Maybe I'm just more of a Charlotte. She sorta makes sense.

Tuesday, January 22

Help me.

I can't stop eating my No Pudge Brownies.

I think the "no-pudge" aspect is nullified when you keep shoveling them into your mouth.

(Two food-related posts in a row. Hmm....)

Wednesday, January 16

Say cheese.

There are many little absurdities in the world. Here's one.

You know how, on the packaging of some food items, they'll print a recipe that features a creative use for that food item? I bought some cheese recently, and as I was making a sandwich, I noticed the recipe printed on the wrapper. I'm typing it for you here, verbatim:

DELI DELUXE Sub Sandwich

Prep: 5 minutes

1 bread roll or French bread roll
2 Tbsp. KRAFT Mayo Real Mayonnaise or MIRACLE WHIP Salad Dressing
2 KRAFT DELI DELUXE American Cheese Slices
6 slices OSCAR MAYER VARIETY-PAK Meats, any variety
Tomato slices

SPREAD roll with mayo.

FILL with remaining ingredients.


That was the recipe.

I'm trying to imagine the target audience for this kind of thing.

"Honey, this is delicious! What is it?"

"Well, I was at the supermarket, and I picked up some of this stuff called cheese. Stanley told me it was pretty good, even though I don't usually go for those exotic, frou-frou kind of things Stanley's always going on about. But anyway, I got it home and realized I didn't know what to do with it! Luckily, they had this recipe on the outside of the package, so I just followed that."

"It's delicious!"

"I know. The recipe called for mayo but -- get this -- I used mustard instead."

"You're a regular Chef Boyardee! Why you don't have your own show on The Food Network, I'll never know."

"Say cheese!"


"That'll be my catchphrase. On my show. On the Food Network. Say cheese!"

"Oh, honey! You're so clever! What will you think of next!"

Friday, January 11

Say hello to my little friend.

My new nephew, Caiden, born on Christmas Eve!