One man's trash.

Today, I did something so laughably, stereotypically, outrageously New York: I bid good money to buy some artsy-fartsy celebrity's trash.

I have a friend who works at Phillips de Pury, a fancy-schmancy auction house that deals in contemporary art. I've been to a couple openings there, and we are talking chi-chi with a capital C.

So, my friend, over drinks a couple weeks ago, tells me that one of their upcoming auctions is a Robert Wilson "loft sale."

"Yeah," he says, "Bob's moving out of his Soho place, and getting rid of a bunch of his stuff."

"Wait," I say, putting down my vodka-something-or-other. "You mean, Robert Wilson is having a yard sale at Phillips de Pury?"

My friend nods, grinning.

Me: "I am sooo there."

Because, after all, who doesn't want to cherish an avant-garde theater director's used toothbrush as his very own?

I go to the viewing today (alas, I can't make it to the actual auction this weekend) and my friend gives me a guided tour.

"Here are some chairs," points out my friend. "And a whole lot of African masks."

There are a whole lot of African masks. Also, there's a pod-like closet unit that comes from a Finnish sanatorium.

"Look at these!"

For only $800, you can take home a collection of...six plastic Disney figurines Robert Wilson got from a Happy Meal in the '80s and found in the back of his closet?

Or, some...placemats that Robert Wilson ate off of? (A bargain at $600.)

"And this is the pen collection," says my friend, and opens a drawer with several fancy fountain pens. (All engraved with "Robert Wilson" or "R.W.," mind you.)

My friend and I are getting giddy.

"He totally got these as gifts! He's getting paid to regift!"

"I know! This is what my drawer looked like after my Bar Mitzvah. Full of fancy pens I didn't want. If only I had known to let Phillips de Pury auction them off for $1,500 a pop!"

The security guard looks at us funny.

So: the part where I sign a piece of paper saying I'll pay Robert Wilson to regift something to me.

It's a cute little blue-and-green foam playtable and chair set. My sister's expecting a boy in December, so I've had my Cool Baby Things Radar switched on. And this is really unique and fun, and comes with a good story.

I fill out a bid sheet, and now I just wait til the weekend to see if I win.

My bid was considerably less than the "estimated value." Cute as it is, it's still a table at a yard sale, Bob. I don't care how many autistic Tibetan children sat around it eating cookies in slow motion.